ABOUT ME
My parents emigrated from China to Spain during the early 90s and met each other here. They both moved abroad, to a faraway land in search of a better life. Fortunately, they had a strong network of friends and family that helped them out during an otherwise difficult period in their lives. In 1995, I was born in one of the hospitals in Malaga and as my parents worked extremely hard, they were able to send me to a private English school where I stayed from nursery to secondary school. They felt that it was vital for me to learn Chinese so that I would not forget our roots and therefore they decided that I should attend Chinese School during the weekends as well. At a younger age, almost every summer I would visit China and spend around 2 months there enjoying my summer holidays.
By the age of 18, I moved away from home for the very first time to the United Kingdom in pursuit of a university degree. Three years swiftly passed and I had to decide between continuing my studies or joining the workforce. By that time, China was becoming an important global superpower yet my level of Chinese was lacking and it made a lot of sense for me to improve my language skills in China. The one and a half years that I spent there was the most rewarding period in my life and I learnt a lot more about myself. I landed my first formal job at the age of 24 right after my time in China. I worked for Huawei for slightly less than a year. Although it was a brutally harsh work experience, I regard it as my first clear step into adulthood. For multiple reasons and after 6 years away from home, I returned to Malaga to help with the family restaurant.
SPAIN
Despite Spain being the place where I was born and spent most of my life, I do not feel a strong connection to the country and culture. I suspect that it has to do with my childhood experiences growing up here. Although there have been enormous improvements in the present day, as a child, I encountered many unpleasant situations of discrimination. Being called “Chinito,” a racial slur at worst and an unprovoked ignorant commentary at best, was quite common in the past. It is not just the blatant bigotry, but it is also the small details and assumptions, such as their approval of my level of Spanish, that remind me that I am an outsider here in the country where I was born. As an adult and with greater maturity, I am unaffected by it but I believe that my younger self has internalised the gap that exists between me and Spain.
My sentiment towards Spain is not all bad. As I have mentioned, Spain has improved drastically in the past few years and is much more accepting than before, or at least they put effort into restraining themselves from expressing their true thoughts. As an adult, I feel much more at ease living here and we must also not forget the delicious food, the beautiful climate, and the laidback lifestyle that Spain provides. In recent years, I have developed a new appreciation and a healthier relationship with Spain. The country has also been a constant in my life. During my time abroad, I have always come back to Malaga whenever I had time off and it has always been here, unchanged by the passing of time.
UNITED KINGDOM
Your mother tongue tends to be the language in which you were educated and in my case, it would be English. It is the language in which I feel most comfortable and the tool that I have been using to understand life and build relationships. Without any doubt, my closest friends are all English or English speakers. I believe that my schooling together with my understanding of the English language has greatly defined my sense of humour, interests, personality, friendships and much more.
Most importantly, the West has taught me how to be adventurous and curious about the many wonderful things that exist on Earth. It has opened me up to so many possibilities and taken me on countless experiences that make life worth living. I have met interesting characters from all walks of life and enjoyed some hobbies that I otherwise might not have crossed paths with. Motorcycling is certainly one of them because, in Chinese culture, it is seen as a dangerous activity with risks that vastly outweigh its benefits.
My upbringing has always been closely linked to the English culture, much more so than my Spanish or Chinese side, and the people from this culture have been nothing but welcoming and accepting from my school to my years at university in the UK. No one treated me differently. No one purposefully dumbed down their speaking with the assumption that I would not understand them. Despite the many flaws that the UK has, I can confidently say that it is the country that I have lived in where I felt the most comfortable.
CHINA
It seems that we get so many of our values from our parents. Sometimes, values may not be explicitly taught but we implicitly assimilate them through the day-to-day interactions with our parents. Many of my closest Western friends tend to take an individualistic-centred approach towards life but on what matters in life, I still chose to follow my parents’ example.
I believe that my relationship is a typical Chinese family relationship. Although I am quite verbally distant from my parents, we still have an unbreakable family bond where we can trust each other to have each other’s best interests in mind in the big things in life.
My parents, like most Chinese, are people who place a lot of importance on responsibility, dignity, and reputation. They are willing to sacrifice so much of their lives for what they believe in and mostly live selflessly. Although they might not be the most interesting, fulfilled or even happy people in the world, I think that their sense of pride, commitment and altruism are values that are meaningful in life and that I have come to cherish.
Contrary to the importance that the West plays on my friendships and interests, the Chinese culture has established my ideals for family and romantic relationships. Many in the West view commitment as a hindrance towards their freedom and an obstacle to happiness. Life to them is all about having the most options available and always having an escape route for the different situations in life. It is not uncommon to see some of my Western friends holding relationships, yet they are not willing to commit in any meaningful way, be it living together, merging finances, marriage or bringing a new life to this world. To me, relationships are not just about the good times, but more importantly, it’s about facing the challenges that commitment brings and growing together into one. It entails sacrificing part of one’s self and making some difficult decisions. My parents have taught me that commitment and sacrifice is a virtuous attribute and I am proud to hold this belief.
Moving on to Chinese culture and the country, in the past, I held a negative view of China due to its social norms, politics, pollution and so on. Living there as an adult was a completely different experience. To me, China is a place where I can be anonymous. A place where I fit in on the bus. A place where I do not stand out. A place where I am treated like any other person. Unfortunately, Chinese culture is unforgiving and my fitting in is superficial. I can pretend to fit in on encounters with strangers but I will always be seen as an outsider with people that know me. Chinese culture is unforgiving. What mean by that is that a small misuse of language, be it pronunciation or context, can completely change the message. Similarly, a small disparity in culture creates a huge gap between the relationship of the native Chinese and the person who is not fully Chinese. Nevertheless, I still embrace this trivial way of belonging.
The Chinese friendships that I have encountered in my life are somewhat varied. Some are Chinese who adopt traditional values at their fullest, some form part of the younger generations with liberal values, some are born outside of China like me and some moved abroad at an older age. It is a spectrum and, on this spectrum, I have realised that I struggle to connect with people on the traditional end. The reason for this is probably the same reason as to why I relate better with English people, because of language, life experiences and interests.
Something quite interesting that I have noticed is that because of the difference in culture, my personality changes under the different settings. When I am with English speakers, I am more confident in expressing myself and more receptive to the humour. In contrast, with my Chinese friends, I tend to be more reserved and struggle to find common ground and topics.
LANGUAGE
My proficiency in the three languages varies slightly, with English being my mother tongue, Spanish at an almost native level and Chinese in last place. Mandarin is a tough language to master.
My vocabulary proficiency within the different languages largely depends on its utility. An example that I often use is the word “number plate.” Despite English being my mother tongue, I only knew this word at the age of 18 as I never came across the word in any practical situation. In the same way, I only learnt business terms in Chinese when I took a Chinese business vocabulary course at the age of 24 during my time in China.
I often get asked what language I think in and my answer would be that it depends on the situation and context. In general, I think in English, especially complex thoughts that require a logical process. But when it comes to counting, I find myself counting in Chinese. If I am engaged in a conversation with a Chinese person or watching a Chinese movie, I would also think in Chinese.
FINAL THOUGHTS
By now you might have realised that each culture has its importance and significance to me in its own way. I do not think that I identify with one culture more than the other. The Chinese side greatly defines how I view family and relationships whereas my Western side has influenced my views on friendship and lifestyle. The two worlds exist independently, and people in my life mostly fall neatly on one side or the other. With regards to the question of belonging, maybe, for people with multiple cultural backgrounds like myself, home might not be a place but rather a person. A person who understands the different worlds that simultaneously exist within me. A person who can seamlessly navigate the intricacies of multiculturalism together with me.